So, I know in my blog I mostly, well, almost only talk about the sweet and sentimental things of life, but we all know that we are all fleshly, human beings who have rough days, days that are trying, taxing, hormonal, and sometimes less that our desired "best". The beautiful thing is that God is GOOD each and EVERY day and He is the SAME yesterday, today and forever and when we are weak He is strong and it is in those times that He can truly shine the brightest because, well, we are not hogging up the limelight with our human accomplishments and perfections. All this to say, I am going to share these moments more freely and candidly and watch God shine through all of those little cracks I have been trying to seal myself... WOOH! The pressure is OFF... So awesome!
This post is coming from something very deeply personal and eye opening that happened to me today. I took the kids to the Lutz Children's Museum today and we had our usual wonderful time. It was actually the first time Liliana had been there since last Spring because we spend our summer outside at Casey's pool or at the park and in September she started Kindergarten. It was so special to have her there with us today. I noticed some clear marks in her development, one being her reaction to seeing the dead mice laying in the owls den. She used to adore those little mice and being the animal lover she is, I did not have the heart to tell her they were dead and food! Well, today she looked right into that same spot and asked "are those mice dead?" and I said "yes, they are the owls dinner, owls eat mice, isn't that gross?" and she did not flinch and moved along to the next animal.
Prior to this, Liliana and I were sitting in the other room playing tic-tac-toe and she spoke right into my heart to a place I had been asking God to help me with. I had said something to some of the kids playing next to us about being more careful and I did so in my SUPER SUGARY SWEET voice that I use when I speak to kids I don't know to be on the side of extreme caution to not offend their parents who might be listening in. Well, Liliana said, "Mommy, what is that voice?". I said "what voice?", probbing, she said "that voice you are using... it is not like your real voice, like you talk at home." I started to almost have my feelings hurt because I am such a people pleaser that I either always feel like I am TOO sweet or TOO stern... UGH... I drive myself nuts worrying and trying to be precisely perfect at all times, especially with my words. Then she said "I notice you do that voice at the cafeteria at school too... I can tell that you are trying to get the kids to like you"... SPOT ON... and as I type this out... who cares if they like me or not... but that is me... I want everyone to like me to see how sweet I am to see how sweet Jesus is... but that is crazy... the point of life is that Jesus is sweet inspite of me and whether I am or not! UGH, how I torture myself! I asked her if the kids like me and if she likes my sweet voice and she said "yes, but you don't need to do that, you need to just be you." She then said "you need to just be yourself because they need to just like you for who you are... just you, you know".
Can you believe this... my FIVE year old just spoke the most honest, pure and deep words of wisdom to me I have ever heard in all my life!
Out of the mouth of babes!
Thank you, Liliana for telling me I am loved and for telling me I don't need to strive any more... I need to only relax and just be... ME.
